Spring has finally come!

I am so thankful that spring has finally sprung here in Indiana. I am sorry to those who are still in the cold (that's why I live here). The kids and I have been watching as our spring flowers are coming up in the backyard and the buds on the trees. I enjoy the winter months in December and January, but am ready for better weather come February and definitely March. I guess I have become "weak" since living here for a while :). We have had a rough few weeks as strep throat has attacked us. I hope we don't have anymore of that!! We have been doing pretty good otherwise. It is still very hard for me to really concentrate on something. My mind always wanders back to times with Warren. It's wonderful to have so many memories, but also bittersweet. On Valentine's Day I took the kids to buy a balloon for each of us and then we wrote notes on them and went to the cemetery to spend a moment "with Daddy". Then we wished him a "Happy Valentine's" and let the balloon's go. That is kind of a tradition with balloons in our family. When Maddie was a little girl she received a helium balloon at a party. That night Warren had to get up in the middle of the night and when he came around the corner the balloon moved in front of him and he thought it was an intruder and punched it :). If you knew Warren you would understand that that was the end of the helium balloons in our home. So after a while to alleviate the downpour of tears we started letting them go in the air to my grandmother who had passed away. Now we continue that with notes on the balloons. It is very good for all of us. The kids are able to express their love and sometimes emotion. I can't believe it has been 5 months! I miss Warren so very much! I still only take one day at a time. The thought of the rest of my life here on earth without Warren is absolutely overwhelming!! But, God has been good!! I have been reading small portions of several books and articles people have given me. They have been very helpful and encouraging, but I can only read small portions at a time. So much is still so very fresh and the constant reality that Warren will never be returning to us on earth is very sobering for all of us to take in. I wanted to share with you a wonderful memory my 6 year old shares with me often about her daddy. She tells me all the time when she is sitting down reading her Bible and she says "Mommy, I'm reading my Bible. Daddy always read his Bible and when he died he was in Romans. I always saw him reading and I want to be that way too." I could never ask for anything so wonderful as to know that my children remember their daddy sitting in his chair reading his Bible. I hope they say the same of their mother someday. I hope that the parents reading this take note of how our children watch what we do and someday when you leave this earth what will they remember? I am so thankful that the memories are not only of the fun and loving daddy, but that he loved God's Word. What a wonderful treasure we have!!

4 Months

Wow, it's been 4 months. Time has gone by so fast. We have had a very busy month. My mom stayed with us for quite sometime (she was waiting on my dad to come and get her, and he had some work issues), anyway it certainly didn't bother me:)!! It was like having a laundry, cleaning and cooking fairy (which I have always dreamed of) not to mention she helped a great deal with the kids. We cleaned a lot and organized some things. One of the biggest things we did was put all of Warren's Emmitt Kelley's into a curio cabinet. Emmitt was Warren's greatest collection and he was so proud of it!! I was very excited, but there was a sense of sadness as we stood back and looked at the display. It is beautiful and he would have really loved it, it was such a dream he had. We had some van problems this month and had to put a considerable amount into the van. It was amazing how that day the Lord gave us over half the amount. God takes care of us in so many different ways. I sometimes wonder why God chose us to go through this and what are his plans for us in the future. I know that there is a plan and a purpose for all this, but it doesn't make it any easier and right now I just wish Warren was still with me!!! Please keep us in prayer this week as the 10th of each month is always difficult and it's also valentine's (Warren loved giving all of us surprises for Valentine's). The kids have also struggled with the week and the girls are clinging to the gifts he gave them last year. I hope you take the time this Valentine's to cherish the spouse God has given you. Take the day and spend it with each other to show your appreciation for the one God has given you. Trust me it's a wonderful treasure!!! Happy Valentine's Day to you!

Welcome to a new year!!!

Well we are back home. Christmas was once again a wonderful time. We kept pretty busy so it kept us very occupied and less time to think. We did have many "Warren moments" (as I call them), times that made us laugh and times that made us cry. Christmas night and New Years Eve night were probably the most difficult moments, but my family was so gracious to just let me have my quiet moments to myself. One of the highlights of our trip is going to Nickelodeon Universe at the Mall of America. It was a difficult day for the children and I as that was one of Warren's favorite things. He loved to video the kids and ride with them and watch them laugh and have fun. Anyway, Christmas is a wonderful season and is a time to reflect on what God has done for us. We are so blessed!! Amid the trials that God allows in our life, there is so much blessing. I think for me the joy of Heaven has so much increased. What a day that will be!! Warren wrote this little poem in him journal:
"There are days of darkness and gloom, that does not always lead to despair and doom. As I open my eyes and see where I stand, I find myself in the hollow of His mighty hand. Dare I think to fail amidst this light trial? It would only be the work of Belial. Oh victory is sure when God is in control. But we must not fail to give our hearts to him as whole. Only then can we truly understand our trial and afflictions; they come as He planned. And so we some day pass or He His Son will send to deliver us to our heavenly home. And never again will we toil or roam."
-Warren Brokering
I hope everyone had a wonderful blessed Christmas season!! Please keep us in your prayers, each day is just another day to adjust without Warren. Thank you for all the notes of encouragement!! It not only is a blessing to me, but is helpful to the children as I try to read them some of the notes.
Happy New Year!!

Merry Christmas!!!

I left today for Minnesota for Christmas. I was doing very well until mid Wisconsin and I ran into a great deal of snow. We had to stay in a hotel tonight because we could no longer drive. I was getting tired and knew 6 or so more hours in a snow storm with three children and going 35 mph would not be something I could mentally handle. :) We are watching The Wizard of Oz (which is Chloe's favorite movie) and we all have our electronics (it's really sad).
It is so nice to go home and be with family during this time. Christmas has been a wonderful time for me through the years, but obviously this year it has a bittersweetness to the season. I do pretty good as long as I don't think much about it. :) At this point I just want to get through Christmas day watching the kids open their gifts and enjoying being spoiled. Even though I had taken on many things when Warren became sick, there was still many things he did that I have now. He always did the video camera and I took photos because I did scrapbooking. I now have both and that is very tricky. He also took care of getting the car ready for trips and checked all those things during the trip. This is quite an adventure while traveling with three children. Anyway were going to finish The Wizard of Oz and then off to bed to begin the traveling again. Thank you to many who have prayed for us during this trip, I really appreciate your prayers please continue to keep us in your prayer were not there quite yet!!! :) Have a wonderful blessed
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Another week......

Well, Thanksgiving is over. I really had a wonderful weekend with David P. and his family. I was so thankful they came to spend the weekend with us. The time flew by which right now is a good thing. We had a good time talking about and remembering Warren and just having a good time of fellowship. I am so thankful that they gave up a holiday with their family to spend it with us during this most difficult time. We spent Thanksgiving day with Warren's family and had a very good time. It was a strange day to be there and not be with Warren. We went to the cemetery on Saturday. The stone had been placed in the ground. I like to go there, but it is very hard to leave. Sunday was a very difficult day, I assume because everything slowed down and thoughts creep in that sometimes cannot be stopped. Oh how I miss him so much. Today is December 1 and we have snow!!! I know for some of you that isn't a big deal, but in southern Indiana it is nice to have snow for the Christmas holidays. On the way to school we thanked the Lord for the beautiful snow that he gave us that gave us a wonderful smile and cheerfulness. Just a note to thank Dave and Carla for giving their vacation to me. It was so helpful to have them here during this time and the kids had such a great time. Thank you so much!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone!! I am writing this on the eve of my first major holiday without Warren. I am waiting for Dave and Carla and the girls to arrive. I have looked forward to their coming. I can't believe they want to spend Thanksgiving with me, it is so comforting. We are all going to spend Thanksgiving with Warren's family as we always do. This is a bittersweet time as we will be missing a very important part of our family. We put up the Christmas decorations last weekend, that was harder than I thought it would be. It really put us down emotionally for most of the weekend. It not only affected me, but it affected the kids. We shed alot of tears and were very quiet. I did have a young friend call and invite me to do something special with her (thanks Kaitlyn). It was good to get away for a few hours and have fun. We are doing better though for now. Thank you to many that have been praying for us so strongly, it got us through a very tough weekend.
On another note, Warren's mother has sent me a poem that a friend of hers wrote. Warren's mom asked me if I would post it on the blog, she said it was a help to her and she hoped it would be a help to others.
Dear God
They went to sleep
and awoke to you
in a place with skies of blue
Free of all the pain they knew

They look around
and there they are
surrounded by loved ones
angels singing from afar
and they know

Here comes Jesus, the king of kings
arms opened wide
While the angels sing
they run to him to receive an embrace
and gaze into his face

The love they feel, it runs so deep
They know this love, it is for keeps
They love this man
and nothing can compare
to them being there.

Dear God
I know their families understand
that they can be with them again
if Jesus is in their hearts
Dear God
Then heaven will be just a start
to be with our dear God
In Jesus name, Amen
- Sue Graham -

Happy Birthday Spencer!!!

Spencer will be 5 on Wednesday!! Wow, time goes so fast. We celebrated his birthday on Saturday at Bogey's (a fun pizza place). We had a good time!! It was really nice to have fun with the kids. Auntie Dana, Aunt Maxine and Cousin Lindsay and Aubrey came with us. We had a Spiderman party!! Spencer loves superhero's and Hot Wheels, I guess you can't get any better than that!! He has been so excited to turn 5!!
Everyone has left. My mother has been here since the week Warren died. She left Friday to go home and get ready for Christmas. She has cared for my children and I for weeks. What a wonderful blessing to have her. I don't know what I would have done without her. She just picked up where I just couldn't many times. Thank you Mom for all you did!!!!
Tonight is the first night we have been alone. As I said before, night time is not my favorite time of the day by any means. Night time is quiet. It does give me a chance to talk to the Lord though, in ways that I can't in front of people. I talk to Him about my anger, dissapointment, lack of understanding, lonliness for my husband, but also my faith that He does know all that has taken place and has a perfect plan. I have also realized "time". "Time" is everything. They say time heals things. I sometimes wish time would just move along quickly. I never had enough time in the day, and now I have more than I want. Having gone through these last several weeks, I cannot imagine what people do who do not know the Lord. It is hard enough having the Lord, but to experience this kind of pain and not have anyone to go to that knows what is going on and has the control is beyond my comprehension. I have rattled on long enough, but want to thank you so much for your continued prayers, cards, and phone calls. I am able to get through each day because of people's prayers for me and my family. God is Good!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE PRINCE!!